The End of My Rope

So I get to the Coffee Life (Coffee As Life Style) early, without Kevin. I check my email, look at Facebook and write my blog. Then I get to do what I really want to do, find us flights home. My computer is really fast and I checked multiple sites, days and airports. The best I could find for the 28th was an 8:20am out of Kiev on Ukraine Airlines going to Frankfurt. Then a change of planes to Delta to JFK arriving at 2:30pm. Flight time of 13 hours, instead of 10 and 1/2 for a direct flight. Those tickets cost $525 each with $187 taxes on each as well. Then there is a Delta flight from JFK to Richmond at 6:30, arriving around 8:30pm. That flight cost $49, I think. The only direct flight from Kiev to JFK is on May 4th. I'm really not all that willing to stay another week for that. I called Victor to tell him what I came up with and he told me to wait and not book anything. He wants to see what his travel agent friend can come up with and he has concerns that we might not have the new passport in time. Oh, well.....

Kevin arrived at the cafe around 11:00 and we left after 12:00. He made an awesome batch of ham salad and we ate. I did a crossword puzzle and some laundry, then left to go to the orphanage. I told Jessica I'd bring my computer so she could take whatever pictures and stuff she wanted off of it. I also brought a couple of movies. My sister had a set of those made-for-tv Hallmark movies that are packaged 4 for like $10. I took them thinking they'd have enough action to keep him interested and would be good for him to learn some English.

Kai parked me in the classroom while he went to have lunch. Jessica arrived and we started uploading pictures on her camera memory card because she forgot to bring her flash drive. In no time, Kai was back and we looked at all the video we took of Sasha jumping off stuff. I showed him I had brought some movies (I should say "film" because that's like the Russian word) and he was interested in seeing one. I put in the one about King Tut's Tomb and he was riveted. My idea of fun on a sunny afternoon does not involve watching stupid movies, so Jessica and I went to Silpo. She needed to get money from the ATM and wanted to get something to eat. I had eaten ham salad with Kev so I wasn't hungry. We sat on the steps and she ate and we talked. I am so anxious to get home, but I'm sure gonna miss Jessica. She's been such a great friend for me while I've been here. I wouldn't have made it without her, that's for sure.

By the time we made our way back to the classroom it was nearly 5:00 and time for studyhall. Kai wanted me to buy food for him before I was "dismissed". He took Sergei with him and we went to Rainford. My mood grew worse as we shopped. I was feeling somewhat used. I show up every day for a couple of hours and gooberhead can't spare me a few minutes except to get me to feed all his friends every night. This was getting old. Jessica had to head home for small group at her apartment. Kai asked what was wrong. Jessica did her best to convey what I was having trouble expressing. I said that when it was vacation and we were getting food every day and hanging out all together and eating and playing games, that was fun. But now I'm just the meal ticket and nothing else. Kai said his friends are hungry at night and they want food. I said I understand, but it's not my job to feed all them, and what are they gonna do when we're gone? He also said that he wants to buy gifts for his friends and come back next week and visit and give them. I just want to be done.

Jessica left and I walked to the gate with the boys. I wanted to go home and said so. Kai was incredibly apologetic. He hugged me and kissed me and said he was sorry about 50 times, and I love you at least 25 times. I said I loved him, too. As I left, he called to me to tell Kevin he loves him, too. I said okay. I was so sad for some reason. I rode the bus praying and trying to think of what to do about this weekend. I felt that it is best that I don't go back tomorrow, but take a day off. Saturday Jessica has a wedding to go to, so I thought it might be a good day to take him shopping for gifts for his friends. Then on Sunday afternoon, perhaps a trip to McDonald's with his friends, walk to a nearby park, and then back to the orphanage for cake. I think I can handle that. Maybe Marina would be available on Saturday. But if not, I think I'll be okay. I also think that once I take him from the orphanage on Monday, we should not go back.

Back at the apartment, Kevin was about to take his lunchtime walk. My plan was to get rip-roaring drunk. Instead, I sat on the porch and prayed. I had no idea why I was so sad and the Lord said I was at the end of my rope. I guess that's as good a way to put it as anything. I am bored to my gourd, missing friends, my sister, my home, my LIFE! I want out of here. I sat and bided and cried and was Comforted. I briefly checked my FB on Kevin's computer. Kathie Schweikhert gave me a link to a travel agency that helps people doing adoptions and missionary work. I went to the site and sent a request. Perhaps they can come up with a good way to get home. I watched a episode of Chuck, and then we watched "Jordan" together. Then I went to bed. Kevin stayed up late working.